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 mindless paranoia 
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 Post subject: mindless paranoia
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:36 pm 
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Not sure if this is true but funny nonetheless.

http://notalwaysright.com/pointless-par ... ackin/2028


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:14 pm 
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There's some hilarious stuff on that site, like this gem:

Quote:
Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones
Liquor Store | Willimantic, CT, USA

(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)

Me: *walks out of the cooler*

Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there.

Me: “I don’t mind it.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”

Customer: “WARM!? In a COOLER!? You’re a G**D*** LIAR! How can you be WARM in THERE!”

Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:51 pm 
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And this:

Quote:
Well Played, Indeed
Fast Food | North Dakota, USA

(This is a friend’s experience while working at a popular fast food place on the overnight shift.)

Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.”

Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.”

Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.”

Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 5:41 pm 
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Love that site. Visit every morning.

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My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:46 am 
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Small Talk In The Big House
Gas Station | Apple Valley, MN, USA

(While working the overnight shift alone, a single customer walks into the store and walks to my register.)

Customer: “What would you do if I robbed you?”

Me: “…I’d call the cops.”

Customer: “What about if I had a knife to your throat?”

Me: “Do you really think those are good questions to be asking me?”

Customer: “Okay, let’s just say I have a gun in your face.”

Me: “Get out. Now.”

Customer: “Sheesh, I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with you…” *leaves*

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:57 am 
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Quote:
Pepperoni Pizza With A Side Of Pointless Paranoia
911 Call Center | Montreal, QC, Canada

Me: “9-1-1, police, fire, or ambulance?”

Caller: “Help, please God, help!”

Me: “Sir, what’s the emergency?”

Caller: “Someone’s trying to break into my house! Please, send the cops!”

Me: “Calm down… the police are well on the way as we are talking.”

Caller: “I don’t want to die! Oh my God, why me?”

Me: “Sir, take a deep breath. Do you know this person?”

Caller: “Yeah, I ordered some pizza, I paid, and he gave it to me. I can see through the window it’s him… he’s pounding on my door trying to get in! Where are the cops?!”

Me: “Sir, I’ll stay on the phone with you if it makes you feel safer. Can you yell what he wants?”

Caller: “Okay…” *yells toward the door* “What do you want, man?!”

Pizza guy: *faintly, behind the door* “You forgot your change!”


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:14 am 
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Having worked at Radio Shack for a year and a half and dealing with both some of the brightest minds and those that missed the short bus, plus degenerates of all kinds including one that got busted for running a Meth Lab in the same house as his three daughters (Aged 6 to 10), I'll believe 90% of the conversations transcribed on the site.

People are that stupid, that vapid, that paranoid, and that scary.

Sometimes I weep for the human race.

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"I think it's a good thing for serving cops to mix with non-cops in a situation where they understand that they aren't in charge." -JoelR

"You'd be amazed at the things a bullet can stop." -Old Irish Proverb


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:37 am 
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Binky .357 wrote:
Having worked at Radio Shack for a year and a half and dealing with both some of the brightest minds and those that missed the short bus, plus degenerates of all kinds including one that got busted for running a Meth Lab in the same house as his three daughters (Aged 6 to 10), I'll believe 90% of the conversations transcribed on the site.

People are that stupid, that vapid, that paranoid, and that scary.

Sometimes I weep for the human race.

After my five-year stint in retail, I'm right there with you. I'm a stronger person for the experience...but less compassionate and definitely more sardonic.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:41 am 
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I went into a Radio Shack some years back. A young gentleman waited on me. I pointed to the particular item I wanted which was on the wall behind him. He turned, looked at the wall, and asked again "Which item?". I said "The one at the top on your left." He immediately turned his head to the right and told me that he didn't see what I was talking about. I told him again, "On the left, at the top." He still kept looking to his right.

I then blurted out: "No, on your OTHER left." Other customers started to chuckle and the sales clerk turrned, stared at me, and then walked very slowly to the back room.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 11:08 am 
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Quote:
Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart
Movie Theater | Dayton, OH, USA

(I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [charity] today?”

Customer: “Well let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled 40 hours per week.”

Customer: “Oh really? Where?”

Coworker: “Here.”

Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:50 am 
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Quote:
Your Prank Got Spanked
Gun Shop | Denver, CO, USA

(This happened to a friend of mine who owns a gun shop.)

Friend: “Hello, this is–”

Caller: *twelve year old sounding voice* “Your mom!”

Friend: “What?”

Caller: “What your mom said.”

Friend: “A prank caller are we?”

Caller: *mocking tone* “A prank caller are we?”

Friend: “Do your parents know what you’re doing? Because I have caller ID and I can call them back later.”

Caller: “My parents are out of town… duuuhhh!”

Friend: “You must have absolutely no idea what kind of store you just called, then.”

Caller: “A GAY store?”

(My friend puts the phone down and opens the locker behind the counter and retrieves a shotgun. He holds it next to the phone and pumps the action.)

Friend: “Can you guess now?”

Caller: “…”

Friend: “You know, your caller ID gave me a first and last name. All I need to do is open a phone book and I can find your address.”

Caller: *click*


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:31 pm 
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macphisto wrote:
Quote:
Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart
Movie Theater | Dayton, OH, USA

(I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [charity] today?”

Customer: “Well let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled 40 hours per week.”

Customer: “Oh really? Where?”

Coworker: “Here.”

Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”


Now THAT'S pure gold! :lol:

_________________
My YouTube Videos

"We're either gonna be the best of friends or there's gonna be a whole lotta shootin' goin' on."

"I think it's a good thing for serving cops to mix with non-cops in a situation where they understand that they aren't in charge." -JoelR

"You'd be amazed at the things a bullet can stop." -Old Irish Proverb


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