I saw this on another forum. I thought it was pretty funny. YMMV.

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraqi regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations: Mess with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not piss us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put them? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
Treaty-starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America.

Thank you and good night.

What I wouldn't give to hear GWB read that speech.... heh heh heh.

That was great, thanks!

Never happen you know! Would throw the monkey wrench into things for a while across the globe.

I love it. The worst thing that's ever happened to this country is the political "sensitivity" that has made this speech one we'll never hear. Too bad.

If you're emailing it to all your friends, correct "bon chance" to "bonne chance". Chance is a feminine word, as in "Lady Luck".

If only it were so ...

Old Pat has always been out there but this time I would have to say right on!

Pat Buchanan suggests impeachment of Bush Over Illegal Immigration...
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.a ... E_ID=46019

I agree wholeheartedly, especially about the soccer!!!

[quote=Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
[/quote]

In spite of the danger of being called an "environmental wacko" I'll have to point out that even with the most optimistic estimates of reserves in the ANWR, that it wouldn't supply this country's needs for a year, production wouldn't start for years and extraction would be spread out over at least 20 years.

That being said, it is a fun, fantasy, rant and I have to agree with most of the sentiments (if not the practical applications)!

Greg

"In spite of the danger of being called an "environmental wacko" I'll have to point out that even with the most optimistic estimates of reserves in the ANWR, that it wouldn't supply this country's needs for a year, production wouldn't start for years and extraction would be spread out over at least 20 years." [/quote]

I heard this from a local (retired) geologist that had over 25 years in finding, refining and production oil for a major US oil company. He stated that the oil from this region would be so “heavy”/“sweet” (actually I don’t remember the exact term) that when refining you would get much more gasoline from each gallon then from most any petroleum anywhere in the world. That at the end of the refining process there would be practically no unusable material left over. He stated that his research discovered that this petroleum would produce more gallons of high quality gas per barrel than anywhere, bar none.

Even with the best crude all that it means is that you get more gasoline per barrel, at lower cost for refining, but less heating and lube oil. These days not a drop of any crude goes to waste.

We'll be running on oil for some time yet but at constantly increasing cost.

The only way we'll ever be even close to energy independent is if we come up with some new source and/or technology. We should be running a manhattan project size program to do this. Until then we'll be fighting wars in the middle east and elsewhere to keep oil flowing. With the growth of the Chinese economy they'll use an ever increasing share of the decreasing world supply. World peak production either will happen soon or has already happened, depending on whose numbers you use.

I'd like to have us come up with something entirely new and tell OPEC to drink their oil, we don't need it. So far we're not doing anything serious in that direction. It's going to get ugly!

Yes, and we don't even attempt to get our own oil out of the ground (sea).

Florida, California, Alaska come to mind. We have “tons” of petroleum, that at current prices is economical to go after. But no, we don’t want to adversely affect our environment.

However, it is ok for the Arab states to affect theirs. I haven’t heard boo from the environmentalists about that production or exploration.

Sure lets find, invent, experiment with other forms of fuel, but until there is a viable alterative, let us try to be self-sufficient for a change.

I'm with Jerry Pournelle on this one: let's invest the multiple billions and the decade or two in SPSSs (Satellite Solar Power Systems), and build lots of fission plants in the interim, and invite the Saudis to, after that, drink their oil.

Wanting to utilize unproven science for immediate mass use for the replacement of fossil fuel is a lofty idea. However, it will take decades (probably many decades) to refine a method, figure how to distribute it and mass produce it, etc. In the meantime, we have currently have the capacity, knowledge and ability to extract petroleum from our own “back yard” NOW. Yes, it would take a few years to get it into production, but it would fill our needs until we can come up with a suitable substitute. We also have the ability to obtain this crude with very minimum affect on the environment. The Alaska Pipeline comes to mind. The Arabic States will have no problem in filling orders from the emerging nations, China, India, etc. No matter what we do, we need more refining capacity soon. Or our requirement for pre-refined fuels will be costly. I mean come on, be practical, The fuel that we use, and will be utilizing is being pumped and refined on this planet. We are the leading experts in how to do it with the minimal affect on the environment. Wouldn’t you prefer the oil we use (and will be using for some time) be ours?

Or we could use up their oil and save ours for ourselves after their oil is gone???

It's not either-or. We'd better goldarn well start -- right now -- figuring out what we'll do when the well runs dry. `Cause it will.