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Funny excerpt
http://ellegon.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=4845		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  doctor_strangelove [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 1:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Funny excerpt
"Good afternoon, madam. How may I help you?"

"Good afternoon. I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."

"A--? Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady. I mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I say they have a right to. But I think... I might... Let's have a look
down here. I might have just the thing for you. Yes, here we are!

Look at that, isn't it neat? Now that is a FrintArms product as well, but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call them. Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a tonne of iron around with you. We do a range of matching accessories, including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster. Wish I got to do the fitting for that! Ha -- just my little joke. And there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun, charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your next battery. Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free lessons at your local gun club or range. Or there's the *special* presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two* charged batteries and a night-sight, too. Here, feel that -- don't worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat? Feel how light it is? Smooth, see? No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and* beautifully balanced. And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's no recoil. Because it's shooting light, you see? Beautiful gun, beautiful gun; my wife has one. Really. That's not a line, she really has. Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for one-forty-nine."

"I'll take the special."

"Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice. Now, do--?"

"And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three six-five AP/wire-flechettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding
rounds, not the signalers. I assume the night-sight on this toy is compatible?"

"Aah... yes, And how does madam wish to pay?"

She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually."

-- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"
Author:  Pat Cannon [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 2:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Darn, not at the library yet. I'll have to take a look at his other books, though. Though I'm sure they're no good compared to Joel's. ;)
Author:  plblark [ Wed Apr 04, 2007 7:13 am ]
Post subject: 
Pat Cannon wrote:
Darn, not at the library yet. I'll have to take a look at his other books, though. Though I'm sure they're no good compared to Joel's. ;)


let me insert a plug for Paladins which I just finished... very good book.
Author:  jdege [ Wed Apr 04, 2007 8:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Pat Cannon wrote:
Darn, not at the library yet. I'll have to take a look at his other books, though. Though I'm sure they're no good compared to Joel's. ;)

I read "The Algebrist" a couple of months ago. A very interesting read.

But "Against a Dark Background" was published in 1996 - if it's not in the library now, it's not going to be.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781857231793&itm=1
Quote:
From The Critics

Library Journal

On the run from a cult of intergalactic religious fanatics who want her death, the Lady Sharrow emerges from retirement to seek out a powerful artifact that may save her life--the legendary Lady Gun, a weapon that kills by altering the reality around it. The author of Consider Phlebas ( LJ 5/15/88) and The Player of Games ( LJ 2/15/89) has constructed a richly hued, far-future tapestry for his latest space adventure. Sophisticated prose, complex characters, and an unbridled imagination combine in this tale of high drama and intrigue. A good choice for most libraries.

BookList

As the lone survivor of an aristocratic lineage, Lady Sharrow bears the ancient curse of the fanatical Huhsz religion: to wit, return the Lazy Gun--a deadly and enigmatic weapon stolen by one of her distant ancestors--or suffer ritual assassination. Yet before she can find the gun, Sharrow must retrieve another priceless treasure, the "Universal Principles", a book that may or may not reveal the gun's location. To remain one step ahead of the Huhsz assassination squad, Sharrow assembles her old team of neurally bonded mercenaries to assist in the hunt, and leaps headlong into a series of imperiled adventures spanning several worlds. Her only rivals for the gun are a pair of mysterious clones who keep her in thrall to a lethal virus--one that allows them to dispense excruciating pain at any distance. By ingeniously interweaving striking characterizations, richly conceived futuristic landscapes (e.g., a world-enveloping organism with a civilization among its roots), and an utterly compelling story line, Banks proves himself a master of the genre on all fronts. For sf fans who like their science hard and their action fast, this is a must read.
Author:  Pat Cannon [ Wed Apr 04, 2007 9:29 am ]
Post subject: 
jdege wrote:
Pat Cannon wrote:
Darn, not at the library yet.

..."Against a Dark Background" was published in 1996 - if it's not in the library now, it's not going to be.

Oh, yeah. Darn those sneaky word-peddlers, getting me hooked on the free stuff, then it turns out I sometimes actually have to buy a book! :)
Author:  ironbear [ Wed Apr 04, 2007 10:17 am ]
Post subject: 
plblark wrote:
let me insert a plug for Paladins which I just finished... very good book.
I'll see your "Paladins" and raise you "Paladins II: Knight Moves." :wink: Just finished a couple of days ago.

C'mon Joel. Stop reading this post and get to work. I'm waiting for Paladins III!
Author:  plblark [ Wed Apr 04, 2007 10:53 am ]
Post subject: 
ironbear wrote:
plblark wrote:
let me insert a plug for Paladins which I just finished... very good book.
I'll see your "Paladins" and raise you "Paladins II: Knight Moves." :wink: Just finished a couple of days ago.

C'mon Joel. Stop reading this post and get to work. I'm waiting for Paladins III!

since hijacks seem to be my recent specialty ...was there a Paladins .5? I want the back story of Cully / Gray / Bear!

and now back to your Gun board sponsored by JoelR :-)
Author:  doctor_strangelove [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:57 am ]
Post subject: 
I didn't even know JoelR was an author. Interesting.
Author:  ironbear [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:39 am ]
Post subject: 
doctor_strangelove wrote:
I didn't even know JoelR was an author. Interesting.

You didn't get a copy of "THE BOOK!" gasp! :wink:
Author:  plblark [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:43 am ]
Post subject: 
ironbear wrote:
doctor_strangelove wrote:
I didn't even know JoelR was an author. Interesting.

You didn't get a copy of "THE BOOK!" gasp! :wink:


I'm glad SOMEONE said that ... I was feeling too snarky when I thought of doing it :-)
Author:  doctor_strangelove [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:37 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, I got a few copies of The Book from Gideons, but I guess this is a different revision.
Author:  A Brit in MN [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've got a "big book" 8)
Author:  jdege [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
doctor_strangelove wrote:
I didn't even know JoelR was an author. Interesting.
Everybody's an author. Some of just haven't finished our first book, yet.
Author:  A Brit in MN [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Some (cough cough) even have fan sites :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
http://www.slovotskys-laws.com/
:lol: :lol:
Author:  Greg M [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Wow ... that's some of the best soft-core gun porno I've ever read.
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