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 Mango Joe gets some competition . . . 
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 Post subject: Mango Joe gets some competition . . .
PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 5:56 pm 
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I swear to God I can't make this stuff up. You've heard of the carry permit instructor who sells bowling ball drilling, floor coverings, nutritional supplements, and whatever.

Now, we got another self-respected firearms instructor guy -- and you'll guess who it is in one -- selling carbon indulgences and (and I quote) "H1N1 Prevention Gear". (Don't rush out and buy. He's out of the 3M face masks (a perfectly fine product, but, well, sheesh), but he's got some "antiviral wipes" on backorder.)

Sheesh. What's next? Robot Insurance? Nah. Or AKs in tiger stripes in case Apple Valley is simultaneously invaded by the Red Chinese and there's a massive zoo breakout and you have to hide behind a tiger? I mean, nobody would --

Oops. Image
Yeah, you work on that. Never know when that will happen.

ETA: Sorry that the photo and links vanished for awhile; I haven't copied Gary's photo anywhere -- the link is to the photo on his site, the same one that's linked to right near it -- and if and when his site goes down, none of the links will work.

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Last edited by joelr on Thu May 14, 2009 9:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 6:14 pm 
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wow, he is the guy who I threw away my first certification and got it from someone else

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 6:34 pm 
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WOW!!!!

For only $250.00 I can have a tree planted on Shady Practices land.

What a DEAL....WOW!!!!

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 6:42 pm 
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Get your own carbon offsets here...FREE!! You even can print out your own certificate...be sure to go to the FAQ's
www.freecarbonoffsets.com :lol:

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 6:55 pm 
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Also they say they will plant the tree at these coordinates...

45o 51’ 55.35” W and 93o 08’ 20.62”W

There's no such location, I assume that he meant 45o 51.35 N!

http://www.shadeslanding.com/carbon-credits.html

You have to wonder if there is anybody so stupid as to pay high prices to have trees planted on someone else's land?

Note that they are only guaranteed to last for five years, he can harvest and sell them any time after that.

Hell, I'll plant trees on MY land and send you a nice certificate for only $100 apiece; what a DEAL!!! :roll:

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Last edited by Greg on Thu May 14, 2009 8:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:09 pm 
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What a great idea. We have 180 acres S.W. of Bemidji and are working with the local forester in logging off some of the old timber and replanting in some of the more open areas. So as soon as I can get those fancy carbon credit certificates made up, I will plant one tree for every $25 worth of credits bought, I will guarantee this and even allow you to plant the trees yourself to assure it is done properly. :D

Even better, for every 10 tree that you sponsor and plant, I will include a bonus of a prime rib dinner at the local Becida Tavern, just one half mile from your CO2 filtering site.

Please PM me for the easy payment using PayPal. 8)


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:16 pm 
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cobb wrote:
What a great idea. We have 180 acres S.W. of Bemidji and are working with the local forester in logging off some of the old timber and replanting in some of the more open areas. So as soon as I can get those fancy carbon credit certificates made up, I will plant one tree for every $25 worth of credits bought, I will guarantee this and even allow you to plant the trees yourself to assure it is done properly. :D

I'll go one better.

For every $25 you send me, I will do absolutely nothing for a period of one hour.


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 7:40 pm 
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It's all a clever plan. When the hordes of sickly terrorists with orthodontia problems sweep north into Grasston, Minnesota, to unleash the Swine Flu on an unsuspecting population in the year 2021, Gary will unleash his clever plan. Legions of <s>well-trained</s> quick-qual-run-through shooters, wearing their H1N1 Protective Gear (surely, the anti-viral wipes will have come in from backorder by then) will drop down out of the now-sturdy trees that they've paid $250/trunk to have planted.

Weeks of hiding in the trees with no food and only the dew that they can lick from the leaves to quench their thirsts will have weakened their bodies, but not their fighting spirits!

Concealing themselves among the tiger herd (you need the tiger herd, trust me, and it's easy to train the tigers to herd -- you just cut a deal with the Chief Tiger) in their tiger camouflage, they'll wield their tiger-striped AKs, and mow them down in a hail of withering fire, and their deadly Extreme Shock Fangface Antiterrorist Ammunition -- the World's Premier Anti-Terrorist Round!, and utterly suitable for shooting those coughing, H1N1-infected, fangfaged terrorists-- will cut the somewhat sickly terrorists to ribbons before they can cough on the terrorized populace, spreading their loathsome (but not, as it turns out, quite as dangerous as advertised, thankfully) virii.

A smile will flicker across Gary Shade's manly tooth veneers. "I told them I'd show them."

'Course, then the tigers will then, well, eat his shock troops. His last thought, before he's mauled by the Chief Tiger (told you we needed the tiger herd), will be: Mommy!

No plan is perfect, the tiger will think. Except mine.

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Last edited by joelr on Fri May 15, 2009 5:45 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 8:28 pm 
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Joel, you mean person, you seem to have crashed his website with the traffic!

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 8:50 pm 
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Greg wrote:
Joel, you mean person, you seem to have crashed his website with the traffic!


Don't worry, I'm sure Joel will get blamed in a future blog. :wink:


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 8:50 pm 
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joelr wrote:
It's all a clever plan. When the hordes of terrorists with orthodontia problems sweep north into Grasston Minnesota, to unleash the Swine Flu on an unsuspecting population in the year 2021, Gary will unleash his clever plan. Legions of <s>well-trained</s> quick-qual-run-through shooters, wearing their H1N1 Protective Gear (surely, the anti-viral wipes will have come in from backorder by then) will drop down out of the now-sturdy trees that they've paid $250/trunk to have planted.

Weeks of hiding in the trees with no food and only the dew that they can lick from the leaves to quench their thirsts will have weakened their bodies, but not their fighting spirit!

Concealing themselves among the tiger herd (well, he hasn't quite worked that part out) in their tiger camouflage, they'll wield their tiger-striped AKs, and mow them down in a hail of withering fire, and their deadly Extreme Shock Fangface Antiterrorist Ammunition -- the World's Premier Anti-Terrorist Round! -- will cut the somewhat sickly terrorist to ribbons before they can cough on the terrorized populace.

A smile will flicker across Gary Shade's manly tooth veneers. "I told them I'd show them."

'Course, then the tigers will then, well, eat his shock troops. His last thought, before he's mauled by the Chief Tiger, will be: "Mommy!"

No plan is perfect, the tiger will think. Except mine.


Ok, see, this is what happens when a fiction writer has too much free time. :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 9:34 pm 
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I notice he sells "Tools for the Sportsman". I was half expecting to see this:

http://www.hunterspec.com/Updateable/up ... egoryID=15

Joel, the tiger could have said, "Farewell, friend. I was a thousand times more evil than thou!", but I like your way better.

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Last edited by chunkstyle on Fri May 15, 2009 5:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 9:42 pm 
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Greg wrote:
Joel, you mean person, you seem to have crashed his website with the traffic!
I'm sorry to hear that; a joke isn't funny when the butt's website crashes.

It's back up, now, though. Thank goodness.

That said, I doubt it was the traffic from here; while I like to think that a lot of folks view the Forum, and follow links, it would take a whole lot more -- by orders of magnitude -- than I think we get to crash a well-maintained server, and I'm sure that a wheb whiz ;) like Gary has a perfectly good server.

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 9:45 pm 
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chunkstyle wrote:
I notice he sells "Tools for the Sportsman". I was half expecting to this this:

http://www.hunterspec.com/Updateable/up ... egoryID=15
Nah. It's a couple of Leatherman tools. He sells the "Charge" for about 25% over a typical street price, but, hey, maybe it comes with carbon credits and some antiviral wipes as an added bonus. ("But wait! There's more!")

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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 9:48 pm 
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cobb wrote:
What a great idea. We have 180 acres S.W. of Bemidji and are working with the local forester in logging off some of the old timber and replanting in some of the more open areas. So as soon as I can get those fancy carbon credit certificates made up, I will plant one tree for every $25 worth of credits bought, I will guarantee this and even allow you to plant the trees yourself to assure it is done properly. :D

Even better, for every 10 tree that you sponsor and plant, I will include a bonus of a prime rib dinner at the local Becida Tavern, just one half mile from your CO2 filtering site.

Please PM me for the easy payment using PayPal. 8)
:) But, hey, Cobb, you're just joking -- on purpose. It's not like I see that -- or Shamwow or bowling ball drilling or "antiviral wipes" as "H1N1 Protection Gear" for sale on your website as a proud offering of River Valley Training. You wouldn't, after all, do it, except as a joke.

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